Support for women
my counselling approach focuses on creating a safe space for women who have been subjected to coercive control and abuse so that they can begin the return journey back to themselves...
Hi! My name is Shalom.
I am a social worker & therapeutic harpist who specializes in walking alongside women who are healing from abuse and coercive control.
My goal is to create a safe and spacious environment for you to process your experiences and reconnect with who you are and how you want to be in the world.
I am so glad you’ve found me!
If you find yourself distressed and overwhelmed by a coercively controlling or abusive relationship or its aftermath, know that you are not alone.
I understand the grief, loss and disorientation that come along with surviving an abusive relationship.
I have personally experienced the stress of navigating the family court system, and the challenges of parenting after separation. I also know the pain of becoming disconnected from myself and my community as a result of coping with the stress and trauma that are inherent to these experiences.
This is hard, hard stuff. And it is exponentially harder to walk this path alone.
I am here to navigate this journey with you.
I can witness the pain and injustice you are facing, help bring clarity to what has happened to you & your loved ones, and remind you of your incredible capacity to move through everything you are facing, even when it feels frightening or overwhelming.
Abuse can be so isolating - but you do not have to go through any of it alone.
I take an integrative approach to counselling, often incorporating a combination of conversation and therapeutic harp in order to create a safe container where you can move through whatever layers come to the surface during our session.
Many people find that integrating harp into talk based sessions creates a calm space that soothes the nervous system and supports the movement of difficult memories & emotions up and out of the body allowing them to access a deeper state of rest and healing.
My Values
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Feminist
I am critical of structures that exist in society that are detrimental to women and children. I recognize that society normalizes violence against women, often placing the blame on women for being subjected to abuse. Women and girls are told from a young age that coercive and controlling behaviours are done by men out of love, or because they can’t help it, or perhaps because of childhood trauma. This creates confusion. Is it love, or is it abuse?
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Contextual
Abuse and healing occur in a social context, not simply in a woman’s mind. I’m interested in knowing what happened to you rather than what someone has said is wrong with you. In fact, I don’t believe that anything is wrong with you. I believe that mental health concerns and substance use following abuse should be seen as impacts of abuse rather than disorders or addictions. Put simply, you are not the problem. The problem is the abuse.
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Violence, Abuse, and Trauma Informed
I understand the impact of violence, abuse, control, and trauma on women, and am sensitive to the impacts these experiences have had on your life. Fear, confusion, financial distress, loss of friends, isolation from family, difficulty regulating emotions, depression, exhaustion, physical illness or pain - these are but a few of the ways that abuse impacts women.
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Woman Centred
My focus is on supporting, listening to, believing and cheering on women as they journey out of abuse and into healing and hope. I see women as the experts in their lives and circumstances. Your hopes, needs, challenges and intentions will guide our work together. My hope is to walk along side you and offer support as you find your path forward.
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Flexible, Client Paced
I will work with you gently, letting you set the pace for what you are comfortable sharing or talking about. I may draw on creative modalities, including therapeutic music, if appropriate. I will share relevant resources that I am aware of and point you in the direction of supports that may be helpful when I can.
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Social Justice Oriented
Women who are subjected to coercive control and abuse, and in particular single moms, face many injustices in society, including in the family court and mental health system. In my work I seek to identify, understand, and be sensitive to the social justice issues impacting you. I advocate for systemic change whenever I can.
My areas of interest
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When relationships seem incredibly difficult and unsafe, something is wrong. It can help to talk to someone about what is going on, to gain clairty about what is happening, what is in your control (and what isn’t), and how to stay safe. I will support you without judgement as you decide what is best for you.
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Abuse takes many forms, including emotional, social, financial, verbal, psychological, intellectual, sexual, and physical. A dynamic of power and control underlies all forms of abuse. Sometimes abuse is hard to recognize, because abuse often happens in a cycle, with periods of calm and apparent good times between periods of tension and aggression. I help women develop a framework to understand the cycle of abuse that may be occurring in their relationships.
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The ending of a marriage is difficult, no matter what led to the end. There is grief and loss - we mourn the loss of the relationship we hoped for, the loss of time with our children, the impact on our children, the loss of our vision for motherhood, the loss of friendships, the loss of a home, and so much more. There can also be litigation, financial distress, significaat health impacts, and loneliness. Divorce is a significant life stressor, even if it ultimately leads you of freedom and tranquility.
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Despite common assumptions, abuse and control does not stop after separation. I many cases it gets worse. Many women experience ongoing harassment, litigation abuse, and false claims of parental alienation. Abusive men often use their children as conduits to continue to emotionally abuse their ex partners. It can be very overwhelming to experience post separation abuse.
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Fundamentalist religious groups exert power and control over their members trough teachings that emphasize a distrust of self, fear of eternal damnation, strict obedience, and that we are born with a sinful nature. Adults who are now deconstructing from high control religious background are often shocked to realize how much harm they endured as children. If this is part of your story, I will hold space gently for you to explore how this aspect of your life still impacts you today.
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It is not safe for women to attend couples counselling if control or abuse is present in the relationship. It can perpetuate more abuse. I do not see couples; however, if you wish to pursue couples counselling, I am able to refer you toward a skilled therapist who is trained to assess couples for abuse and refer men who use power and control to appropriate services.